---
title: "The (apparently) impossible task of building a social network | Clara Solà Niubó"
description: "In an international city, the friends you work hard to make keep leaving. After a few departures, starting again can feel depleting — and that weariness is not a lack of openness."
source: https://therapyinenglish.barcelona/reflections/building-a-social-network/
---

# The (apparently) impossible task of building a social network… that holds

1 August 2026  Clara Solà Niubó

![Four friends standing arm in arm on a hillside, watching the sun go down](/uploads/circle.jpeg)

The effort to build a social network is one of the challenges for anyone starting afresh in a new city, more so when it's an international move, where so much more needs to be learned and adjusted. The lucky part is that nowadays many people are in the same process, they have recently arrived and have similar needs of connection and finding their place.

So it’s not a surprise that a client comes upset because they have just learned that some significant person of their newly built circle will be leaving the country by the end of the year. Although this piece of news is not something that can be considered totally unexpected, this may be received as a punch in the stomach.

Of course they are happy for them, needless to say, at least they want to be. But the news has brought back two other departures from the previous year: people they had invested in, spent time with and gradually allowed themselves to depend on.

Their first reaction is not only sadness. It is frustration… _Again?!_

Building a social network in a new country takes a great deal of effort, particularly in the first years. People need to meet others, take initiative, accept invitations, suggest plans and tolerate the awkwardness that sometimes comes with new relationships.

Little by little, some of those connections become meaningful. There is finally someone to call without planning too far ahead, someone who knows what has been happening at work or who can meet for a coffee after a difficult day.

Then that person leaves.

In an international city, relocation is part of the landscape. People come for a course, a contract, a relationship or a particular stage in their career, and many later move elsewhere. This mobility can be exciting, but it also means that social circles may remain unstable for years.

Repeatedly rebuilding them can become depleting.

> “Why put so much energy into another relationship that may disappear in six months?”

After several departures, people may become more cautious about investing in new friendships. Why put so much energy into another relationship that may disappear in six months? That hesitation can protect them from disappointment, but it may also increase their isolation.

The lack of significant bonds nearby affects ordinary life in very practical ways. Spontaneous plans become difficult because every meeting has to be organised in advance. There may be people to have dinner with occasionally, but no one to call on a quiet Sunday or ask for help when something goes wrong.

The same can happen professionally, where colleagues move on, and the network that was beginning to offer support or opportunity becomes fragmented.

And back home, relationships do not necessarily fill this gap. Though those connections are still important and loving, distance changes what they can provide.

This combination can bring anxiety, helplessness and a persistent sense of not belonging. The pain is not only about missing a particular person. It is also about the repeated loss of continuity. Each departure removes part of the familiarity they had worked hard to create.

Really there is no easy answer to this. Living abroad may mean accepting a certain amount of movement and change. But the depletion is real, and naming it is important because it helps to understand that it is hard to begin again, and it is not a lack of openness or social skill.